Romantic relationships are one of the more complicated aspects of the human experience, but at the same time, one of the most rewarding, which explains why we want one so badly. Finding a good one can be hard, and maintaining one is equally challenging in its own way. With the exception of the people who married their high school sweetheart and are still blissfully happy to this day, the world of dating and relationships has probably been quite the mixed bag of good and bad times.
When we face one heartbreak after another, or go through long periods of being alone, it is easy to think we are cursed in some way; that there is some force conspiring against us, or that there is something inherently unlovable about us. As a former romantic train wreck, I am here to tell you that one of your biggest problems is the limiting beliefs you hold about relationships and love. These insidious thoughts set the stage for all sorts of problems that keep you from finding a good relationship. Here are three of them that you need to kick to the curb right now:
There is No One Out There for Youth dating scene can really beat us down and break our spirit. After a spate of bad blind dates or short-lived romances that crash and burn, it is easy to conclude that there is no one out there for you. But, considering how many people exist on this planet, there are plenty of people out there who would be a suitable match. You see the fact that you are a single parent, extremely devoted to your career or live an unconventional lifestyle and conclude that these issues make it impossible to find someone.
You may have gotten divorced after decades of marriage and think you are too old now to find a new relationship. But guess what? There are millions of singles over 50 on the internet, just waiting to meet someone. The things we tell ourselves in our head over and over are very powerful in creating our reality. If you keep telling yourself there is no one for you, nobody will keep showing up.
Your Past Experience Dictates the Future When it comes to our love lives, we make the terrible mistake of looking back over our past romantic ‘’failures,’’ and conclude that this is just the lot we are faced with. We think we are always destined to attract the jerks that treat us badly or the women who end up being total nut jobs. We look at our experiences as ‘’proof’’ that this is the case. But, guess what? You do not end up dating the same type of person over and over again because the Universe has decided to mess with you, it is because on some level, you are seeking them out for some reason.
Consciously, this does not make sense but it is the deeper, subconscious part of your mind at work here. The ‘’psycho-attractors’’ may love the drama on some level or look for women who they know there is no future with because they fear intimacy. The ‘’jerk-attractor’’ believes on some level, she is not worthy of real love and a good guy. You can meet whatever type of guy or girl you want. Know you are in control. This involves taking personal responsibility for your past, but it is quite empowering to know that you have the power to find happiness.
You Have to Take an Active Role in Finding Someone This last limiting belief is a bit complicated. I do not mean that you do not have to do absolutely anything in order to meet someone. What I mean is that, setting specific intentions and sending it out into that crazy Universe, is a very powerful way of accomplishing goals without us taking a lot of physical action. It means that you do not have to run yourself ragged going to speed dating and bars and other events with the sole aim of making a romantic contact. Sure, if you feel like doing these things, great, they certainly will not hurt. But, with the right mindset, you do not have to expend as much effort as you think.
About the Author: Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who blogs about all things relationships. Photo Credit